I just am

I have had mental issues all my life, some environmental, some self inflicted, but mostly intrinsic – no matter any event that has taken place or in fact not taken place in my life. I’m not going to share overtly personal stories with you, as I don’t believe those particular stories have any bearing whatsoever on who I am today.

Some things you may read in this, the story of my current sitch…I dunno might shock you a bit and you’ll have your own  point of view – please feel free to share it, but please remember that I am right this minute trying to seek help to learn to deal with what has finally been suggested as Bipolar….II I’m expecting.

What you will come to learn very quickly is that I am not an uneducated person, however my ‘academic’ education pretty much stopped at grade 2. Things like grammar, punctuation and all that shit – well that is where I fall down, but fuck do I love big words and love just as much learning as much shit about as much shit as I possibly can. My point is, I have spent half my life trying to learn about these very things, my self awareness and ability to recognise what’s in me has helped me succeed this last 10 years, almost wholly without medication….This, what’s happening now is a new experience for me, but lucky me I am ‘somewhat’ learn-ed.

I loved to write once upon a time, I figured when I’m having “one of thoooose days” or several as it happens now, this blog is where I may retreat to instead of sleeping for 3 days or attempting to punch my gorgeous partner in the face before I kick him out for the 100th time, or let my kids see me in a ‘state’.

My ramblings….no matter how tiresomely long, will never make up for the damage caused in my 20 years or more of my fucktardy….But I will NEVER stop trying.

Signed

Shit Scared & Terrified Possibly Bipolar Lola

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