I went out with good good friends. Social networking site friends, drama, secrets and lies, mean girls, fakes and a bit of grog don’t mix cohesively with this possibly bi polar Lola. Been dealing with so much for the last 8 months and never said nothin to no cunt until the last few months. I lost my shit and hurt my good friends, very severely cause I lost control. I don’t remember so many details but that’s not cause of the grog yea it exacerbates any sitch……but that’s what people may choose to believe I expect. I don’t wanna be like this, I wish the process wasn’t so slow. I’ll be right. I’ve apologised and I think they believe I’m a true friend and can forgive me. I would never have said what I said purposefully to the people I genuinely care about……. I just hate that I am that person, it’s like a switch. I used to be able to switch me back on when I went off but i can’t. I didn’t. I should have. I won’t be going out for a while. I’m off social networking. I hate feeling compulsion, I hate feeling vengeance and obsession. There is nothing wrong with the making connections an the theorizing and all that comes along with what goes on don’t get me wrong, but I don’t wanna feel vengeful, obsessed or compelled to make another accountable for their actions. I hate hurting people soooo much. But I want nothing but the above. Maybe It should be the the United States of lola, maybe that’s what wrong with me? I’m so angry at myself for hurting my friends. I just wanna go to sleep but my boyfriends having a lay down and my 17 year old is doing her thing so I have to look after the 4 and 5 year old girls sorting out their penchant for nasty play. I don’t think my life has ever been or will ever be without some behavioral issue again. I’m thinking of going back to school. Just looking at what I had to do to apply was confusing as fuck so. Back burner for now. 😦
Signed don’t care about paragraphs or punctuation today peeps, lola.


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