Helllooooo my 13 followers!!! hehee
today has been about 3 different kinds of day for me so far, I’m very happy, positive, confident, I’m doing what needs to be done, I’m ok pottering around with music on and smashin the housework I’ve just neglected for the last 3 days, fixing my debts, which I rarely get onto but still neglect (im very very good with my finances normally – never missed a payment in 10 years you know)
I’m happy and just full on mode, so I totally get the “ooooooh shineys” and havin chats with peeps on facey or what not
I saw a status from a young girl, who is for lack of a better term married into a family I have known since I was 13 years old. HUUUUUUUUUUGE family of amazing people. I have also known her since was a teen of just 14 or so.
Anyway, I commented on her status, she commented back taggin my name and said I was a crack up, I said meh it comes natural….So I decided to message her to say we should ALL organise a catch up, so tell me whats crackin in the family, cause I’ve heard good shit n bad shit and seen shit on facey over the SEVERAL SEVERAL years since I have seen or really even communicated with them cept sporadically. This is what I sent her (obviously some things have been changed cause I’m a paranoid fuck)
“Yo!!! 2012 was the last time we private messaged….I was just messaging to say, we seriously need to catch up…All of you guys and I. I miss your family so much….You and ALL the Surnames I’ve been blessed to know over half my life. Only thing is I know that so much heartbreak has happened over the years and equally as much the opposite. I’ve spoken to Name and Name a couple of times so I know very little about anyone or anything but I really only heard the heartbreak….. I obviously try and keep up online so I know whats crackin but I just care so deeply about all of yas that I wanna know whats crackin! yknow? I’m gonna try and not talk so much, I’m practicing shutting up. I’ve always been mental in the head, you know this – the shitcunt that I am but 20 years ago when I was diagnosed with something that caused me to be said shitcunt….I took prozac for a long time but the last 10 years, cause of hard fuckin work, I managed (mostly) without meds….these last 2/3 years I have been the worst I’ve ever been and its triggered what they wreckon is now Bipolar. Cause I’m so awesome, self aware and I just know shit, I was lucky to have recognised it myself these last 3 or so months and am in the process of being diagnosed and getting treatment. i’m taking prozac again – so Now I dont wanna punch cunts in the neck, my poor new partner and all our kids have just copped it from and angry fucker who doesnt deserve to be a mother or wife….so prozac helps with the temper but cause of the mania part of bipolar I need lithium which hopefully help both the shitcunt part and the maniac who cant shuddup when shes high or cant stop moping when shes not. Sorry I said I was gonna shuddup…SEE! hahahah I think to people I respect and wanna know why I’m being such a fucktard with all the fucking mushy yappin on is because I’ve been accused too many times of bein a shardhead by my family, I was accused by my job….you know me man, I partook of heaps a shit back in the day, even took a bit o wizz n that here n there last year when I shared with my best mate after leaving my husband. fuckin shits me that all of the sudden once I started goin off the rails, which incidentally was waaaaay before takin any bloody drugs, didnt even smoke weed…. peeps just automatically assumed I was on drugs….so I suppose to those who know me well and I really care about I would never want them to “write me off” or “think poorly” of me in anyway. FUCK! hahahaha sorry dude…..righto general gist – catch me up on wtf is goin on in the lives of you, yours and that massive beautiful Suname family….Once I’m better I’d love to be able to have a catch up with yall! x So sorry for rambling – just remind me to neck up and I’ll be right”
Seriously! Does anyone know how to stop this shit from happening? Dont get me wrong…….I’m a rambly ranter, always have been, love words, love takin a stance on me soapbox – that is typical for me but it was only ever if it’s somethin I’m passionate about….if not i’ll say nothin to no cunt…however the above shit…… well, I figure that’s compulsion? I actually felt like I HAD to tell her, I have to justify everything to everyone all the time when I’m like this….not justify that’s not the right word, explain my fucktardary cause I dont want them to think I’m a fucktard…..I actually felt like I was just repeating myself and sounding like a fucktard and I wanted her to know why.
Is that what happens when you might be bipolar?
Emotional is the other thing I am today, another ranty email to one of my best and closest friends…I know she gives not two shits about my ranty, but the subject matter made me very emotional as it is about her and here I am ranting on about my shit when her shit cant be fixed with a pill and well…im gonna cry if I talk about it again…
If anyone can point me to a blog post or something somewhere, where someone with who went through similar to me and has bipolar who explains it in bogan…please let me know! hahaha